Meh -_-

Its that time of the year again. Its hard. I am reminded of the uselessness of this life. I know I'm alone. You don't have to rub it in my face. I know my happiness is based on carefully articulated lies. I know that I have no clue about where I am or even who I am. I don’t remember when I got lost. But I know that it was ages ago. I can live with it . Or not.

Its not like I don't want to find it. I'm just too bored.

Where are we

...I'm still here. Waiting for something to happen. Bored out of my guts. And still nothing happens. I stop...my mind wonders. The only thing passing it are all the horrible experiences I've had up till now. I'm lost. I can feel your pain. You still can't feel mine. You don't make me feel happy. You never did.

I don't like breaking the guitars I've played or tearing my books after I've read them. I need them to be there with me. To keep me company. To give me a conviction of some sort. I have nothing to be proud of. No time in my hand....

Are we still here...or ... Have I gone far away, where no one can hear me or see me.

Where are we….

The journal of a hippie

We are young and we are free. We are financially responsible for nothing apart from ourselves. We lead life with one purpose- to find the purpose in life. We live everyday trying to answer all the 'why's... To attain a deeper understanding of all that is around us.
We are spontaneous. We make rash decisions. We don't have many consequences to worry about. We observe...we experience. We discover new places and people and emotions, analysing and judging everything that comes our way.

We may have an emotional responsibility towards friends and family which may limit our impulsiveness. However, being young, we are blessed with an emotional flexibility which is sometimes misunderstood as instability.

We pretend we have all the time in the world. Deep inside, we fear that one day we will mistake our youthfulness as immaturity and sink deep into a life of tedium. We fear that the monotony will get to our minds and we will no longer think for ourselves. We will no longer be free. We will lose our emotional versatility and our emotional responsibility will become a burden .We fear we our hearts will die before our bodies do.

We are young and we are free. We live everyday trying our best to fulfil our purpose because its not too late yet.

dying Hope

I wish you existed ; I wish you were real
I wish you were there to take away the pain
Be my salt when I need the comfort
Be the energy within my soul
Be the savior when I am hurt

I wish you existed ; I wish you were real
You could be the struggle when I need a revolution
Be the rebellion when I need a change
Be the voice when I need a conscience
Be hope when everything seems strange

I wish you existed ; I wish you were real
To support the laugh when I seek ecstasy
Be the lover when I seek pleasure
Be my tears when I seek grief
Be the dwelling when I seek shelter

I know you exist but you are not real
And yet you are the essence of life
Imperceptibly, you change the way I feel
My perception , for you , is just a device

Confessions of a loner

I just attainted nirvana. I'm high on confusion. Life's never been so simple before. I feel my compunction gradually decreasing.
Its really different to look at the stupidity of the world from the other side. I suddenly find myself analyzing every part of myself and others around me only to find that I'm surrounded by dumbness. And somehow its all cool cause it doesn’t make any direct difference to me. It just makes me laugh. It doesn’t make me angry anymore.
Hanging around with a crew of friends is a pain in the ass. Instead, walking all alone, humming a depressing track … either having people think I'm insane or having them stereotype me as "emo" is far more peaceful. Cause deep inside… I'm happy with myself.

The Lost Thought - the overture

I haven't really mentioned what this blog is all about (mostly because of the lack of time due to the overload of school work and the fact that I've been spending way too much time looking for a muse to go on with this thing [ by thing I'm referring to both life and the blog]. Anyway... )

The Lost Thought embraces spontaneous thoughts which have come to my mind over and over , but have never gone down in ink and paper (or even in virtual writing on the monitor screen) until now…

But then … by the time I get down to writing it, the thought is lost and I am blank… and hence, it is the Lost Thought.
You're probably wondering how anything is written here at all… since these thought come to my mind so often, sometimes I can get them down in writing if I am lucky. Then again, what's written here may not be what I originally thought.

Your Gaze

I look into your deep brown eyes
I know there's something you're trying to hide
There are questions in your mind that are only voiced
As a song you hum but not speech or joy

You try not to puzzle yourself
you forget the questions in your head
Though you've surrendered, your eyes have not
The dept in your eyes show the emptiness of your heart

Your mind's been silent for so long
You've forgotten what it is like to just have a thought
They've taken the dreams that filled your soul
And left it in a lonely abode

The Sonnet of a Lost Rebel

It maybe something more intimate
A sound…a touch… to help me relate
I'm lost in the path I've walked so long
And no one can see how I've changed along
The time I've passed in no real place
No voice can help me relate
It seemed so simple when I set out
But now, the path is more of a round about
Now no one can see me deep inside
I know I'm not confused but that’s how I suffice
And others believe I have no real hope
But my dreams are too big to just behold
I'm running from something I can't really see
I'm becoming something I don't want to be